We left the hotel room on Thursday afternoon and headed for the cab. She had the biggest smile on her face and was laughing as we got in the car, almost like she was thrilled to be riding in a car. She sat in the back between Clark and I - all smiles. As we were driving, she slowly became more and more somber and grabbed each of our hands and wouldn't let go. I noticed that she was biting her cheek and little bits of blood were evident in her mouth. How do you reassure a little girl that everything is going to be okay? Especially one who only knows Russian and how much of it she knows is a mystery - since she is nonverbal.
We kept leaning down and kissing her and squeezing her hand, but her eyes were wide with uncertainty. We stopped at the train station and everyone started exiting the vehicle and she lost it. Unsure of whether she was being returned or we were leaving her didn't really matter at the moment. I AM sure that either choice was not one that she wanted. She cried and she cried hard. How do you tell her or explain to her what FOREVER means? I held her, her Poppa held her, we murmured our love to her and said the word forever and then took her with us on the train.
I pondered the situation later on the train. So MANY people think that children with Down syndrome can be put into an institution and it will not have any lasting implications on them - they deem them incapable of any human understanding. Do they not know these children can feel and have emotions and bonds like all other human beings? After a little more than 24 hours with her Momma and Poppa, she KNEW she did not want to return. She KNEW that what she experienced in those 24 hours was better than where she had been.
The reality of that is a hard pill to swallow, when you think of how many orphans with Down syndrome have been transferred to an institution and will never, EVER, be able to KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
It's sobering and also fills me with sadness. I wish I could do more. I wish you could do more. I may not have all the answers, but I do know this.....
The blessing of being obedient to God's call on our lives is evident in the smiles and tears of our sweet Evan and I am thankful beyond words that we chose to obey.
18 comments:
oh, my heart breaks for her fear. praying somehow that she gets it - through the language barrier, through the unknown of being a child with no point of reference, through the Down Syndrome. Forever, forever. 3 beautiful syllables. Love you guys so much. praying hard for little sister. ~Suzanne
Angie,your comments summed up many of my thoughts over the past few months! Being a founder of an orphanage which plans to take children with special needs, as well as babies, it concerns me daily that the children here will most likely have issues when they grow up and it saddens me even more that there appears to be less people taking note of their plight.
Baby Jay will most likely go back to his family at 2 years old but how on earth can one send a child back to a life of poverty?? Sure, family is best but practically, how I know it will be a bittersweet day.
I have learnt very quickly with Jay that the 8 months he spent in hospital had an impact on him but in the first 2 weeks he did not show it at all...he was thrilled to be here! After the settling period, we saw and are seeing more and more issues and it is a daily challenge! The night terrors, the ear pearcing screams, the attachment issues and the looks he gives shows us that abandonment has a lasting impact on children and it IS a battle to help them move past that.
I hope that Evan transitions well and I know that with your love and support, she will blossom into a beautiful little girl and eventually, a wonderful woman.
Just be aware that if you get to a few weeks down the track and she seems different, it is these issues that are surfacing...when it happened with Jay it took me some time to work out thats what it was! We spent a week trying everything to settle him and found the things like wrapping him to sleep, holding him close for his bottle, talking in Swahili to him was far more comforting to him than anything else we were trying.
Best of luck my friend, much love to all. xxx
bawling. Eloquently and precisely put, Poppa. Deep sorrow and deep love flow mingled down. I feel that sometimes we forget that unbearable heartache is just as central as great joy to this mysteriously glorious miracle.
She is absolutely precious. I can't read your posts without crying. Beautiful.
We are bringing our little guy home right now too -- tomorrow my husband will walk him out of the orphanage for the first time. And this week he has had moments of big tears and moments of clinging to my husband and just wanting to be held. I can SO relate to your post. They DO know -- they know they want more than a life in an orphanage and they know now what it feels like to be loved. And it IS so hard to explain forever, isn't it?! It can only be explained over time, I guess. :) Congrats on your little one -- so excited for you guys!
Corbett
www.bigvandlittlesy.blogspot.com
Oh, I can't stand to hear this! My heart is hurting and happy at the same time.
Please don't tell my children I said this, but I think Evan is the cutest little girl I have ever seen in my life! If y'all ever try to move from our street I will pop your tires. Nuff said. XOXO
The only time Charlie cried in Russia was when we had to go somewhere in the car. I honestly think after 24 hours with a Mama and a Papa, the thought of "being returned" was present in his mind. We simply learned how to say "with mama, with papa" in Russian and soon he was patting his little chest and then patting ours. The concept of "together forever" finally started to sink in.
Truly felt the emotions she must have been feeling in my heart. How sad that she felt that panic. I am hoping that she's flooded with relief and love for you and for her new family.
Tears!!! Praise King Jesus!
Wow she is one lucky girl and you two are amazing I so wish I was able to adopt I would in a heartbeat. God Bless
Bawling my eyes out for her. Bless her little heart. I know that she is saved in this life because of you guys. Praise God! He worked a miracle through you guys! I am so happy she is with you.
Such true words. We have walked through (and are still walking through) those anxieties associated with once being an orphan. Praying that peace, comfort and assurance will cover all of you!
oh my...I can't stop the tears! This post is so sweet! I am going to have to share it on my blog....if that's ok! And that pic of her is adorable!!!
I needed this tonight! Praising the Father that your sweet girl is home forever!
Safe travels bringing your sweet angel home. Each day she will learn what 'forever' means.
oh you have such a place in my heart as does your beautiful daughter. i ache that she thought she was being returned and love the way you love her. sending all my love x
Congrats on your NEW daughter!! SO happy for all of you. She is so sweet and cute looking.
I hope she adjusts quickly. I'm sure all of it is a bit scary for her.
Oh bless her heart, this made me cry just knowing her anxiety about being returned to the orphanage. SO thankful all has gone smoothly and you are now home!
May God continue to bless all of you.
Post a Comment